Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
