when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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