So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
whose ass print is on the piano?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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