do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
