Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
