Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
