your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
