im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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