Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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