I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
