Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
