if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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