I'm drive I can fine osifer
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
