So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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