is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
