I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
