You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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