It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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