i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
