You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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