Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
