grandma shit on top of the toilet
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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