I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
