Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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