How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
