i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
