So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
