Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
