there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
