Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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