Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
