I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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