This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
