You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
