You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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