Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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