Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
