I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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