My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
