we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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