and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
