ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
