Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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