He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
