You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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