You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
