Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
