By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
