It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
