im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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