I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
