I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
