R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
