Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
