I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
