Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
